My biggest challenge in this life has been my worrying. This is something I got from my father, who was my model. Worrying ate away at me, was constantly there and was taking my life away. Worry then brought other things into being, like fear, anxiety and agitation. These things all fed on each other until I became paralyzed, non-functional, the dramas and traumas would expand, multiply and ultimately result in body health problems.
Letting go of an inherited and modeled pattern can be difficult. But it is possible, because I’ve done it. How? Well, let me tell you my story. Perhaps it can help you on your own journey.
Self-Sabotage Caused Me To Drag Through My Life, Preventing Joy,
Body Health and Wellness and Spiritual Attainment
5 Building Blocks From the 20th Century Model
- Worry. This has been the big one that triggered all the others. What if I don’t get to school on time? What if I’m wearing the wrong outfit? What if I don’t pass the test? What if I don’t measure up? What if they don’t like me? What if the plane crashes? What if I die? What if, what if, what if??? The mind chatter just went on and on. Worry got me nowhere. Compulsive worry like mine was got me into trouble. None of the disasters I worried about ever came into being. I simply couldn’t let go and just let whatever happens happen. I think often of Harpo Marx and how he could just be. Years ago when touring the Soviet Union, he was asked to smuggle out some secret documents. He put them in his socks, got on a train and was so un-worried, promptly fell asleep! Now that’s peace of mind.
- Fear. Worry and fear go hand-in-hand. My fear would create anxiety, agitation, stress, moodiness, inability to function or participate in life and powerlessness. I had always had a fear of heights and falling. I could never go right up to the windows of a tall building like the Sears Tower in Chicago. This was irrational, it seemed to come out of some old place deep inside me, which led me to explore past-life work. Once I did this work and saw the origins of this fear, where I literally fell from a high place, the fear vanished. And of course the fear of loss was big, too, as my father had died young. When I got to the place that loss is simply part of the process of life, and death a mere transition and not an ending, that fear also disappeared. To learn more about past-life work and the place in New Mexico I did this, just go here.
- Drama. Oh, boy, the biggest of all the big ones. I was an Obsessive Compulsive Drama Queen and this showed up as an addiction. There is so much addiction happening on this earth and my family was no exception. My addiction was to drama and trauma. If not mine, then someone else’s. Any drama would do. Do you have a problem? Well, hey, let me take it on for you and process it like mad because there’s not enough drama within me so let me take on my family’s, then the neighbor’s, and the girl’s at the hardware store. This manifested in my body as intestinal problems, headaches, vision problems, and an inability to eat. Gratefully, I no longer do this and my body thanks me for it. It takes a while for us to become like the gurus on earth, who do not run out into the street to save someone, who do not get stressed, who do not get into the drama of life. They simply allow. And trust. Whatever is, is.
- Pain. Of course all the worrying, fear and drama finally caused pain in my body, plus pain in my feelings. So off I would trot to the doctor, healer, psychic, channel, masseuse. ‘Help me. Heal me.’ Like the worry I inherited, I have a highly-charged nervous system which has needed regular balancing. My body feels pain quickly. I don’t have all the protections around me and my body as many people do. A friend once said , “Heidi, you hurt if the wind blows.” This has gotten better and it now takes less time to get balanced.
- Aging. Some people really don’t age much at all, have you noticed? Why me and not them? Well, I have established that the worrying, fear, drama and pain all contributed to that. Do you know anyone who actually likes to age? Watching my body age while still feeling young inside was a bummer. My commitment to healing myself has brought me to where I no longer need to age. I have healed so much and released so many old patterns that my body feels vital, energetic, rejuvenated, pain-free and young. What do I use to stay young? Go here to find out.
So these were the 5 things that were so intense that I had to look for solutions, I had to feel better. What tools did I use?
MY FIVE PRINCIPLES FOR HEALING
- Self-Responsibility. We absolutely have to take ownership. What happened with me was my creation entirely. But, oh, how I loved to play victim. That was also an addiction. Once we realize and accept that we wrote our own scripts before we ever came into body, a huge burden lifts off our shoulders. And we can start moving ahead and creating lives of power and magnificence. We have to stop blaming. As someone once said: “Every time you blame, you are giving your power away.” So claim your real power as creator.
- Process. There is a process that accompanies any kind of healing. We really can’t just wish it away. I was carrying so many difficult programs and beliefs and I was carrying them in my body. So anytime I did healing work, I accepted that there would be a processing time as my body got used to what had left. Sometimes this was tears, sometimes rage or anger, sometimes fatigue. One of the healing techniques I used was homas (fire ceremonies) given by some of the Enlightened Beings who have come into this lifetime to help us get where they are in consciousness. I thought it would be a fun time, which it was, but didn’t realize there would be a time of processing afterward. After my first homa, I released anger like mad. And so did a good friend of mine. So know that you need to be gentle with yourself as you heal. And know also that the body never lies. Trust it.
- Belief. I ultimately knew that the healing would work for me, but first I had to believe that it would. There was something in me that said, “Keep going, don’t give up, don’t cop out and run. It’ll get better.” Beneath that was a belief that I could do this, I could feel better and I could heal. Going through the processing again and again brings the knowing and then the wisdom. This personal wisdom comes from the processing experience, not imagination or a book or a pill.
- Support. Independence is huge in my family system. I was taught I could do it all alone. Well, actually, no. Support is essential in this healing journey. Sometimes my support was physical, sometimes spiritual. Sometimes real people, sometimes higher beings I couldn’t see. But I called them in a lot. We have so much support from this Universe but don’t take advantage of it. So if humans are letting you down, call in your masters, angels and guides. As a good friend said, “They’re just sitting up there filing their nails, waiting to be called.”
- Inner Drive. This is a very important principle in my system to reach body health and wellness and spiritual attainment. There has to be an internal driver that’s bringing you to heal. It’s what may have brought you to this website. What’s the motivation? Often it’s because you can’t stand the pain anymore or you can’t pay your bills or you’re not going to survive. A survival mechanism has to be triggered, whether that is health or something else. It has to be a drive and it has to come from inside. It can be an external event that then triggers the internal driver, but be careful with that. Because what if you can’t pay your bills and you start your healing process? Then 2 months later someone gives you a check. You’d stop your process, right? So an external event can trigger the internal driver but once you get on this path, don’t just cut and run if things look a bit better.
What Is The Real Internal Driver?
No, it’s not fear, it’s not survival. It’s not health issues or lack of money. It’s not even fear of death.
It’s spiritual attainment. “I’ve got to do this no matter what because I’ve got to do my spiritual work.” This is the only thing that keeps us on our path in this healing work. It’s the only thing that kept me there. Your calling has to come from spirit.
It’s an answer to a commitment that is greater than you and it’s inside of you, not outside. I had a spiritual voice within me, a calling that wouldn’t die. It haunted me and I simply had to continue to look for and find the solutions. This was my primary principle throughout my healing process. And can be yours.