I asked Saint Germain about this and got some clarity.

SG: “Life at this point in time is in such a place of transition and that discomfort is tough for all of you. People in so many ways are feeling like they are standing still. And that makes it hard as well. Most of you are just working so hard to keep on going. Please, can I just not have to deal with it this way? Can’t there be another way?

I just want you to know that honestly and truly and truly and honestly, everything is OK. It just doesn’t feel OK. It’s a lot and yet it’s nothing at the same time.

2012 is going to feel like what is going on here? What’s wrong with life anyway? Why can’t we get this to work?   The answer is that there’s nothing to work right now. It’s a very odd year, an odd experience. You’ll hear again and again: ‘You’re OK, you’re OK, you’re OK.’ But it just doesn’t feel OK.

It’s About Change

Heidi: What is that underlying sense of discomfort about?

SG: “Change. Your very foundation is shifting. You’re not going to feel good. Nobody does when their foundation shifts. Nobody feels good when their body chemistry changes. Nobody feels good when their memory doesn’t work.”

Saint Germain has talked to me before about our short-term memory loss, that there is a good reason for this going on. And it’s not just with older people. It’s everyone. And what he says is coming is fascinating.

SG: “Memory is something a computer can do. Human beings don’t need to have a memory, so it’s shifting out of the human mind. You just don’t need it, so it’s shutting down. You need to be in the Now. But you’ve been programmed to remember. However,  in order to remember, you have to activate your ego and your self-identity in relationship to things. We’re trying to go beyond that.

The level of vulnerability a human being is feeling right now is huge. If I can remember, that’s my security. Remember when you were first taught to memorize? The very first thing was to memorize your name. Memorizing was the key to establishing everything. But we’re saying to you, “No, you don’t need any memory. It’s not important. By being in the Now, everything you need is there. Why would you need a memory?”

Chip

We’ll be accessing so much more information over the next few years that everything we’ll ever need can be put into a small chip. This can be embedded under the skin and whenever we need info, that chip will give it to us. I’ll think of my friend David and all the info I need about him will be right there.

SG: “If someone is coming into your presence, the chip will tell you. You won’t need to remember anything. How’s that for total transparency and true communication? And you are all so vulnerable. Every human being should be crying every day because of the vulnerability that you’re in that you can’t control. And it’s not personal for any of you. It’s just what is. It’s what happening right now on Earth.

It’s a lot, Heidi, but it’s nothing at the same time.”

In talking about our coming to earth, she said we leave a wonderful and complete experience of wholeness and come into these bodies to experience separation. The first thing we feel when we are born into this separation is fear. And the second thing we feel is anger. And all fear and anger throughout our lives are about that separation and nothing else.

We no longer are in the experience of completeness and wholeness. And there’s a reason we do this! But this separation causes us to have wounds.

Saint Germain talks about our human wounds: abandonment, betrayal, needing to never be wrong, not ever being seen for who we are. There are many wounds and all humans have all of them. But each one of us at some point chooses a primary or core wound.

SG: “The soul is an extraordinarily wonderful, intelligent, connected part of universal intelligence. All of you, before you descend into the personality structure of the soul, are probably ascended masters. At a soul level.  That’s just one of the characters that you are. But as your soul, when you come into 3rd dimensional human consciousness, you have to be a personality, not an ascended master.”

From a deeper place within us, but not from an ego place, we know we matter. We know we’re God, we know we’re of God, we know we’re of universal consciousness. We know we are intelligence itself manifest. When we were not in this 3rd dimensional form, at a soul level, we were so much more a representation of the intelligence of the universe itself.

SG: “Here you come into this 3rd dimensional human consciousness that requires you to be something other than what you normally are. You’re representing a part of your soul that you normally don’t express. Why? Because you can only express the personality when you’re in 3rd dimension. It’s the only time the soul has the opportunity to express itself through a personality. Otherwise, it expresses through other levels of expression that are more united with the wisdom and intelligence that you are.”

See Me

So is it any wonder that some of us felt like we were never seen? Never known or understood? Here we are growing up and nobody recognizes us. Because we don’t recognize or understand who we are. We look out into the world for others to say: I see you, I know you, you are more than this human being who is struggling to wake up in the morning, feed yourself, learn to speak English, learn to read and write and be OK with your peers. I see you as more, I know you as more, I recognize you as more than that. But right now during this small passage of time and space, you have to squeeze into that little costume called personality and I have to somehow figure out who you are and recognize and support you from there. But I don’t know how to do that because I don’t know how your ego and personality will unfold. Big, small, large, whatever.

SG: “So the rules of recognition of the growing personality are a whole lot different than already knowing you are this brilliant master before you came here. When you look at it from the soul’s perspective, soul can represent itself as a master, ascended, having been through 3rd dimensional experiences before, having karma or not having karma.

The soul is just moving through the experience of an individual personality until it’s completed that experience. Once that’s finished, then it no longer knows the 3rd dimensional human personality as its primary focus and goes to another place. It’ll explore whatever a 4th dimensional experience is. Then a 5th dimensional experience. It does human consciousness, then soul consciousness, then cosmic consciousness.

Separation causes the wounds. You’re going to have them no matter what. Separation from that higher self that you truly are will set forth a primary wound, but of course you get them all. You cannot get away with no wound, it’s one of the marks you were born with.

Your soul came into this experience by choice, setting off to pioneer something, like going to the moon, knowing there are liabilities, difficulties and death. It set off for the experience of itself in 3rd dimensional human consciousness as a personality, and you do with it what you do. It is what it is.

But when this personality dies, any wounding just goes right with it. As soon as you’re no longer in the separate state you had to enter,  there’s no reason to have any of those wounds.

It Just Is

When you run into something that is part of 3rd dimensional human reality, you don’t fix that. You acknowledge it, accept it, see it, understand your participation in it, but it’s not personal. You’re discovering the wounds and I use that word specifically. A wound is something that hurts, it’s damage, it shifts behavior, causes adaptation.

By embracing and acknowledging your awareness of a wound, there’s nothing to fix. It actually unravels all by itself. All the behaviors that go with it, the adaptations, all come out of the unconscious to the conscious. It can release huge places where you’ve been self-judgmental. You don’t have to judge yourself anymore, as it loses its hold on an energy structure of a series of behaviors of protection. And those are all ego-based, not soul or essence-based.

As you participate in human consciousness, of course you run into things that cause adaptation and lessen your access to all that you are. And the more you get into it, the more you reduce your access to your whole being. Because you have to move into separateness. But the end of the cycle is moving out of the separateness back into uniting into all that you are.

As far as the soul is concerned, it’s temporary, because there is no time. But in 3rd dimensional human, it’s an experience, an experiment, an exploration, an expansion of the universal intelligence’s awareness of itself through the use of a soul.”

I had seen a post on Facebook where someone was in the hospital and needed prayers, love and light to help her heal. I asked SG whether that was the same thing as ‘fixing.’

SG: “Love, compassion, contribution and interaction, those are all part of being a sensitive, sensual human being. Yes, of course participate in that. But don’t be surprised how many times in your participation that you realize you can’t change it. It’s not designed to be changed, it’s to stay exactly the way it is. Separation is separation and 3rd dimension creates that for a reason.”

Heidi: “So going through that recognition and saying, oh, I can’t change this, I can’t fix it, is part of our journey to enlightenment?”

SG: “Correct. It’s what we call recognizing ‘what is.’ Every ‘aha’ about recognizing what is human consciousness sets you free.”

So instead of us accepting things that belong to human consciousness, we keep trying to fix them. But we can’t fix something that is a fundamental human consciousness piece.

SG: “When you bump into straight human consciousness kinds of things and start to get aware that that’s just what people do, that’s how it happens, that’s how it’s set up, well, you can’t fix that. It’s not something where you say, oh, I’m going to come back in another life to repair the meanness, the evil, the horror of 3rd dimension. It’s just what it is. You can’t fix karma. It would be nice if there were no karma, but it is what it is.

“An example would be a husband abusing his wife. This happens in human consciousness, doesn’t it? It’s a part of what humans do and you can’t fix it. You can help her by sending her love and light. You can participate. But you’re not going to fix something that is part of being 3-D human. 

“You can’t try to hold back life in order for something to happen that isn’t going to happen even though you want it to. Someone can say,  I want my brother to stop being a drug-addict. But as much as you hope it, as much as you try or work at it, it’s not going to happen. It’s his choice and until he chooses otherwise, you may participate but you cannot fix.”

As much of my life never made sense to me, I needed some guidance on just what was going on here on Planet Earth and why I was here.

I recently discovered a book that puts a lot of my questions into a clear perspective for me. It’s called The Doorway to Knowing, A Guide to Soulful Living, by Cynthia Santee. I originally met Cindy through a mutual friend yet only later found out about her book.

This book is for anyone just starting out on their spiritual path, as well as those of us who have been on that path our whole lives. Doesn’t matter if you’re a beginner or a veteran, it’s truly available to all ages and all levels of spiritual development.

How many spiritual books actually tell you how to live a spiritual life in the real world? Many of them are wonderful intellectual exercises but not terribly practical when applied to functioning in the real world.

Using personal stories from her own life, Cindy shows us just how to be spiritual and human, guided by our own higher knowing. We all have that higher knowing, it’s called the soul, yet can lose touch with it simply by living with all the distractions of a 3^rd dimensional human life.

What was wonderful about this book for me was being reminded of things I knew but had forgotten, such as Cindy’s Four Steps of the Path to Knowing. When presented with a challenging situation:

1. Acknowledge the situation as it is.
2. Surrender all beliefs or ideas you may have about the situation.
3. Allow that which is being revealed to you.
4. Accept that which is given to you, and trust that the guidance you receive from your greater Self is valid and reliable.

I decided to ask Cindy how this book came about and why.

“I became aware when I was about 5 or 6 years old, that I could step out of any situation and just be the observer. I would observe what was happening, go within and then go without to deal with whatever needed to be addressed in my external world.

I had no word for it, this was just my experience. Because of this ability, I was spared the emotionality of the occurrence, the drama and trauma, and was able to not personalize anything that was going on. I wouldn’t take anything personally. I just knew that everyone had their own experience and that’s just what was.  That what someone else was experiencing was about them, and not about me, and I just needed to take responsibility for my experience, not someone else’s.

I never moved into why something was happening. I just allowed the experience to be what it was.

This was a real freedom for me. I had limited experience of the shadow or the wounding that most people have. I never became a victim or identified with the issues of others. In general, for some reason at a very young age I was aware that what someone was projecting was their stuff and had nothing to do with me.

So you see, I had a completely different perspective on the world.  And this was a very private, internal experience for me, not something I talked about or described to anyone else. It was just another way to be in the world.

As I grew, I added more dimensions, greater “knowings” to my life experiences.  At the age of 16, I met my first spiritual mentor who introduced me to more evolved spiritual concepts, world religions, and philosophies. ”

Going Within

I asked Cindy to explain more about her ‘going within.’ How did that work?

“I went to the depths of my being and whatever experience was going on simply aligned. I could then go without and see the experience without personally identifying with it, yet I was fully present with emotion, but not emotional. I was engaged in each moment of life, but in a very different way.

You know, I have also never felt alone.  I have been directed, guided and protected by a higher aspect of myself, always. One of the reasons I wrote this book was to share how to incorporate this way of living into our daily lives. One may intellectualize or philosophize about life, but how do you live it?”

To read an excerpt from Cindy’s book or to order it in paperback or e-book form, just go here: http://soulself.info/

You can also order this book directly from authorhouse and amazon.

Just so you know: I have no financial arrangement whatsoever with Cindy. I am not an affiliate for her book. I just wanted everyone to know about it. It’s a great read.

Saint Germain tells us that we cannot become enlightened, wake up to our human consciousness in 3rd dimension until we’ve already evolved into a 4th dimensional understanding of our consciousness.

As humans, we are always in a place of versus. Who am I compared to them? This versus that. There’s always that polarity and duality and this goes on in all of our lifetimes.

Whenever there is a versus, we’re talking about ego trying to find out who it is in polarity. We struggle with this continuously, we try to calculate this in our brain, body and consciousness. Who am I, who do I need to be in order to either get more power or less power or shift the power or disempower?

Helping or allowing

Let’s say you have a friend who is struggling with a problem. You want to help them and make some suggestions. Let me help you feel better. But that’s all about you trying to get them to have the experience you want them to have. It might be a loving experience, a happier one, a healthier one. But it’s your judgment saying, I need you to do this.

It’s another form of disempowering the other person instead of letting them have their experience fully and taking responsibility for each piece of it.

How can they grow on their journey of evolution if we keep getting in the way?

Here’s SG on this issue of versus:

“If I had said ‘God is the personification of your soul,’ you would have run out the door screaming. Because it’s too scary to say that this thing that’s my savior, this thing that makes it possible for me to know there’s going to be relief from this internal conflict of versus, versus, versus, would be way too much for you to take in.

But the more we build the internal wholeness and oneness so it communicates and connects and the magic is working and things start to flow within you, then it doesn’t matter which side of the versus you’re on. In fact, you become both sides.

And in becoming both sides, you just watch and are not unraveled by any of it and don’t have to take sides. Once you don’t take sides, you’re perceived as the wholeness, the stable one, the one that no matter what, you’re there.

All human beings now on earth in the split consciousness will either leave the earth or go through a passage where that internal dialogue, that internal me versus me begins to dissolve. It goes away.

But until then, you’re going to see it extremely outside of you. Then you’ll see it inside. Of course, the truth is it started inside before you saw it outside.”

This woman used vibrational essences when working with people. Not the flower essences, like the Bach Flower Remedies. Vibrational essences, which she considered much more powerful.

Well, she muscle-tested me and said I was ready for a really powerful one, something that all humans have as a basic issue just by being human: abandonment.

So I took the drops and calmly got on the plane back to Chicago.

I expected all hell to break loose, all sorts of issues coming up with me on the plane. But…..nothing.

I got back home and was preparing to drive up to Wisconsin when the essence finally hit.

OMG! I felt like Ray Milland in The Lost Weekend.

Abandoned Big Time

I spent that entire weekend practically in a fetal position, feeling I was the worst being that ever lived, totally unloved (though my brain told me otherwise), not worthy of living. Grieving, angry, bereft.

That was some powerful essence.

Well, recently, I listened to Saint Germain talking about abandonment.

“At a very early age, all human beings feel abandoned. And that abandonment is what you struggle with for your whole 3rd dimensional existence. All of you. You’re a part of the Oneness, then from the day you’re conceived, you go into separateness. That’s what you’re supposed to do. It’s how it’s designed.

But you don’t understand as a young being why you got abandoned. What did I do wrong? What did I say wrong? Did my hair come out blond when it should have been black? What was it that caused this horrible sense of separation and continues to?

But this is 3rd dimensional representation of human consciousness, not multi-dimensional. It’s the path, it’s how it’s designed to be. You’re not doing it wrong. It’s just what is.

What religion says is, you were born in original sin. The minute you were born, you were born in sin because there’s been an abandonment. The Oneness has stepped away, the individual starts to be expressed and the ego begins to take over. It’s supposed to.

Religion tries again and again to get you back to your Oneness and Wholeness but it doesn’t do it very well. If you do good deeds, then you get to go back to God. But it doesn’t work that way. We say, why do bad things happen to good people, when maybe what we need to realize is that the fundamental philosophy is off.

Every place a human looks is: there’s something wrong with me. All of life is based on what’s wrong with me, I was abandoned, I have been separated from the truth, from God.

For human beings in 3rd dimension, God is the personification of the soul. In 4th dimension, there is no God outside, there is only the God inside. And the God within is the soul.

Within the next 50-100 years, human consciousness will not be in 3rd dimension. It won’t be split in the 2s, the polarity and duality. People will be born and there’ll be no separation into the abandonment of Oneness and Wholeness. So therefore, no need for the ego. No need for separation, for defending or figuring out what’s right or wrong with me so I can be good and accepted and come back into the whole.

Inside Out

We’re turning you inside out. You have to at one point acknowledge the completion of one piece of your expression and then allow a new one to awaken. Ok, Ok, I did it all, I’ve got it. I’ve learned lesson after lesson about my 3rd dimensional human consciousness, I’ve done this a million times. That’s what lifetimes are about. I’m done with those lessons, so let’s put a stop to it. Otherwise, I’ll be doing it for another million incarnations.

Until you can consciously say, “OK, got it. What’s next?”, you stay within that education system.

OK, if I need that, I can always jump back in. but I’ll never be at risk because I’m eternal. My eternity protects my existence. My soul mends my abandonment. Therefore, I am not abandoned, I am not alone, I am not separate, I didn’t do anything wrong. I am eternal, so now what’s next?

How do you express the Wholeness, the Oneness if you’re not abandoned? If you are in fact eternal? Well, that’s a whole other journey. It’s the next exploration. We’re going to turn the inside out and bring all this brokenness from the outside in, because you know inside it can be mended. In Eternity, in Wholeness and Oneness. It mends all that splitness of 3rd dimensional human consciousness that you had to incarnate into.”

I had to negotiate something with someone else and compromised.

But later, while trying to get to sleep, I had doubts. “Did I make the right decision? Was I wrong to compromise? Should I tell them no after all?”

Then I suddenly remembered what Saint Germain has been teaching us: in soul there is no right or wrong!

Right or wrong, good or bad, these are concepts that exist in 3D human consciousness. But they don’t exist in other dimensions or consciousnesses.

What I did is simply what I did. There was no right or wrong in it at all.

It was what SG calls ‘what is.’ It just is.

The words that came to me about my compromise were: So what?

Akashic

I frequently go to the akashic records to get some clarity from my soul.

The akashic is where the records are kept for all of our experiences in the physical.

I get on my flying carpet, travel through the air and land at the bottom steps of a huge library, the akashic.

I walk up the steps to my soul waiting at the top and tell it whatever I want.

This time, I asked for a hologram I could stand in.

“Please show me a So What? hologram I can stand in every time I start to doubt myself, criticize myself for any actions, or feel a need to get into 3D polarity.”

The soul shows us in symbols, not words,  and what I saw looked like an old-fashioned radio microphone with the call letters on top. Except this was a hologram I could stand in, and the call letters said: So What? In flashing lights like at a carnival. Wonderful and fun.

So go to the akasic and see what your soul shows you.

It also can humanize the CEO to what the company’s employees go through.

Saint Germain tells us that from the moment of conception, we go from being the wise, all-knowing CEO to being the janitor.

We come into body and have to learn all the rules of 3rd dimensional human. What are the agreements, what are we told to do, how must we comply?

From that minute of conception, our freedom leaves. We have to adapt, join in and forget our wisdom.

What’s Going On?

Now, as CEOs, most of us are confused about the chaos that is happening around us. But it’s also happening within us!

From August through December, all will be in flux, we’ll have no idea where the energy will go next. People will be playing out old dreams and karma.

We need to not see this from the place of ego but to observe from a non-attached place.

No judgment, no criticism. Don’t push any of it away. Simply allow.

And when it gets tough, SG says to say, “So what?” This is the precursor to freedom.

Agreements

Humanity is breaking through the restrictions of human agreements.  This is a biggie!

We’re taking 10 more steps past what we thought we could stand. We’ll think it’s all so far beyond bizarre, but it just is what it is. So what?

Your soul will always move you in harmony with all change. Go to the adult part of you. Drop all emotion and don’t put a story on any of it.

See only the facts and soul will fill in the intelligence that goes with those facts.

And know that this, too, shall pass.

We’re on our way back to being CEO.

Years ago, I asked Saint Germain whether having money or not is an issue of karma. Here’s his reply:

“No karma unless you want it. Money is  a game that changes with the will and whim, so how do you want to play and what rules do you want to follow: human or spirit or both?

Karma is when you are in conflict about who you put as your authority, God or man.

If you are in conflict, do not pretend you are not!! Your truth is your truth.

So, Heidi, we need to let people choose their god!”

I used to be a dreadful worrier. It’s something I got from my dad, who was my model.

Some time ago, all that just stopped, which was quite a relief to me.

But the other day, I noticed that my mind was chattering on,  having conversations with all sorts of people not even present. I was alone, yet all this was going on in my head.

What I noticed in these conversations was that I was justifying myself to others.

Here’s SG’s take on this:

“Your very best audience is yourself, right? These conversations are supposed to be of self-justification. It’s what the mind does. You’re either the hero or the victim. And you choose different people to have these conversations with. That’s just the cycle of the mind and it’ll do that forever. It does it in meditation, let alone when you’re driving down the street.

“It’s just an overactive on-switch. It’s normal. You’re in an absolutely standard, nothing-special mental run-on. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could cut off that kind of conversation completely? It’s just a back and forth between hero and victim. What a waste.

“What you’re doing, Heidi, is accidentally connecting to the telephone line that talks about justifying yourself. It’s an accident. Just unplug that one. You’re hearing things that have no value to you and you don’t need to hear.

What you want to do is imagine a big switch and simply pull it down. Simply say: not interested, mind, don’t want to listen to that.

New Conversation Starts

“Once you put a stop to that, then another kind of thing happens in your head. You’ll be in the present, situations will happen, and your mind will talk about what’s present, not the past and not these back and forth conversations.  Then ultimately, there’s a silence. The Silent Mind.”

I’m looking forward to that day, believe me.